Snow: Who Needs It?
by Jackie Baker
JUNE 8 -- Mission Viejo, CA -- What do you get when you attach a quarterpipe to a bunny hill made of wood, carpet it with plastic doormats, and douse the whole thing in laundry soap and water? Brian Dani's answer to the end-of-the-ski-season blues, the NoSnow Ramp.
If the name isn't enough to turn a powderhoundÕs stomach, the substitute snow will-it's a bristly polyethylene available in a variety of colors, from traditional white to golf-course green. Dani's apocalyptic vision of the future includes 2,000 year-round NoSnow Resorts across the United States, each covering approximately 10 acres of land-that's about 20,000 acres of shred-able plastic. The resorts will have beginner and sledding areas complete with moving sidewalks. For more daring skiers and snowboarders, a chairlift will access racecourses, terrain parks, and moguls (finally, there will be an answer to the age-old question, "Where do they store the moguls in the summer?").
The most exciting development to hit the ski industry since the snowbike, the NoSnow Ramp is equipped with sprinklers and a hose hook-up. This hydration system, combined with the manual application of liquid laundry detergent, is necessary to keep the polyethylene slippery. Simply Clean was the detergent of choice on Saturday, and a gallon of the lubricant was skied off within an hour. While Dani could not estimate how much water will be required to run one 10-acre resort for a full business day, he did comment that warmer, windier weather requires more water to compensate for evaporation, meaning hard-core plastic shredders may find themselves praying for dirty dishwater the way we pray for powder.
According to Dani, the current ramp is "...not steep enough for skiers to keep their speed into the quarterpipe." In addition, Dani says, traditional and shaped skis turn too abruptly on the ramp, causing beginners to run into the fenced sides. Dani solves this problem with the Bstinger-essentially half a ski that ends at the binding's heelpiece. Bstingers are the perfect solution; they don't carve.
Local snowboarders Cory Cronk, Ryan "Wiggles" Smith, and Danny Williams managed to get inverted, slide rails, and execute spins on the NoSnow Ramp. "It would be better if the ramp were steeper and faster," admits Cronk. Or, perhaps, covered with snow?
It's June in Southern California, yet the riders are wearing pants and gloves. Smith opts for a long-sleeve T-shirt as well. Though no one fell victim to the horrors of crashing on the coarse plastic matting, Smith testifies that impact can be brutal. "You get a big rug burn," he says. "I've seen guys get pepperonied."
The NoSnow Ramp does have its advantages: with all the water and detergent on the matting, crashing often may be the easiest way to wash last season's funk out of your polypro. While there are better options for summer ski-fiends-such as glaciers, high mountain passes, or cranking up the A/C and playing "Mad-Trix" all day-we're sure the NoSnow Ramp has its place somewhere in the vertical world. Perhaps its greatest potential lies in the growing sledding community. Saucerboy, where are you?